murphy laws


Murphy’s golden rule:
Whoever has the gold, makes the rules.

Keep smiling,
it makes people wonder what you are up to!

Honesty is the best policy,
there’s less competition.

Exceptions always outnumber rules.

By the time one masters the exceptions,
no one recalls the rules to which they apply.

By the time your turn comes,
the rules are changed!

Life is what happens to you
while you are busy making other plans.

You never know how soon is too late.

Nothing is as easy as it looks.

Everything takes longer than you think.

Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.

Two wrongs don’t make a right.
It usually takes three or four.

If there is a possibility of
several things going wrong,
the one that will cause the most damage
will be the one to go wrong.

If anything simply cannot go wrong,
it will anyway.

If you perceive that
there are four possible ways
in which a procedure can go wrong,
and circumvent these,
then a fifth way, unprepared for,
will promptly develop.

Left to themselves,
things tend to go from bad to worse.

If everything seems to be going well,
you have obviously overlooked something.

If anything can’t go wrong on its own,
someone will make it go wrong.

No matter how hard you try,
every once in a while,
something will go right.

If at first you don’t succeed,
destroy all evidence that you have tried.

If an experiment works,
something must have gone wrong.

A conclusion is simply the place
where you got tired of thinking.

Any simple idea will be worded
in the most complicated way.

If you can’t understand it,
it is intuitively obvious.

If you can keep your head
when all others are losing theirs,

maybe you just don’t understand the situation.

Teamwork is essential.
It allows you to blame someone else.

The man who can smile when things go wrong
has thought of someone he can blame it on.

Nothing is impossible for the man
who doesn’t have to do it himself.

What you don’t do is always
more important than what you do do.

No matter which way you go,
it’s uphill and against the wind.

The longer you plan a job,
the more likely it will go wrong.

Whenever you set out to do something,
something else must be done first.

If there is an opinion,
facts will be found to support it.

For every action, there is an equal
and opposite criticism.

Behind every little problem
there’s a larger problem,
waiting for the little problem
to get out of the way.

If you view a problem closely enough,
you will recognize yourself as part of the problem.

If you’re rising too fast,
something somewhere is wrong.

Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.

If it seems perfect today,
tomorrow it will end.

If you are happy,
don’t worry, you’ll get over it!

Nobody gets poorly in an office on Fridays.

The longer the title, the less important the job.

An expert will always state the obvious.

When you try to prove to someone
that a machine won’t work, it will.

Machines that have broken down
will work perfectly when the repairman arrives.

If something is confidential,
it will be left in the copier machine.

In any organization there is one person
who knows what is going on.
That person must be fired.

Just when you get really good at something,
they don’t need you to do it any more.

The amount of information available
at decision-making moments,
is inversely proportional
to the importance of the decision.

You will find an easy way to do it,
after you’ve finished doing it.

Anything that can go wr—

When all else fails, read the instructions.

Every solution breeds new problems.

The road to success is always under construction.

Success always occurs in private
and failure in full view.

All great discoveries are made
by mistake and while alone.

Nobody remembers what you did right,
nobody forgets what you did wrong.

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

The number of people watching you
is directly proportional
to the stupidity of your action.

The chance of forgetting something
is directly proportional to … to …

Men and nations will act rationally
when all other possibilities have been exhausted.

Experience is something you don’t get
until just after you need it.

Experience is a wonderful thing.
It allows you to recognize a mistake
each time you repeat it.

Efficiency is a highly developed form of laziness.

The sooner you fall behind,
the more time you will have to catch up.

The best defense is to stay out of range.

Never assume conspiracy when
stupidity is an adequate explanation.

The optimist proclaims that
we live in the best of all possible worlds,
the pessimist fears this is true.

The reasonable man
adapts himself to the world,
the unreasonable one persists
in trying to adapt the world to himself.
Therefore all progress depends
on the unreasonable man.

(George Bernard Shaw)

A quick response is worth
a thousand logical responses.

People ask stupid questions for a reason.

There are two sides to every argument,
unless a person is personally involved,
in which case there is only one.

Never argue with a fool,
people might forget who’s who.

Common sense is
the least common of all senses.

The key to a totally open mind
is total indifference.

Tact is the ability to tell a man
he has an open mind
when he has a hole in his head.

Beauty is skin deep;
ugly goes right to the bone.

Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.

Nothing improves with age.

Before falling in love
do take your backup,

it always helps in recovery.

The last place a married couple says
yes‘ at the same time is the wedding desk.

When a man
wants his wife to hear,

she doesn’t listen.
When that same man
doesn’t want his wife to hear,
she’s all ears.

When a man’s wife
learns to understand him,

she usually stops listening to him.

If a man speaks deep in the forest and
there is no woman there to hear him;
is he still wrong?

Never argue with a women
when she’s tired — or rested!

The qualities that most attract
a woman to a man are usually
the same ones she can’t stand years later.

The partner who sleeps first
is always the one who snores louder.

Toasted bread always lands

The hardness of butter is
directly proportional
to the softness of bread.

Never ask the barber if you need a haircut
or a salesman if his is a good price.

A clean tie attracts the soup of the day.

If you dial a wrong number,
you never get a busy signal
and someone always answers.

The telephone will ring
when you are outside the door,
fumbling for your keys.

If you try to open the door
with your left hand full of bags,
keys will be located on your left pocket.

The shopping bag you drop
will be the one with the eggs.

Toothache starts at nights
and on weekends.

The wind will always blow
in the direction to spoil your hairdo most.

The worse the weather,
the more you are required to be outdoors.

The severity of the itch is
inversely proportional to the reach.

Any object when dropped
will roll into the least accessible corner.

If you drop an unbreakable object,
it will always land on something more valuable.

The more you like a product,
the more likely it will be discontinued.

You will find what you lost
right after you buy a replacement for it.

If it jams – force it. If it breaks,
it needed replacing anyway.

If it can break, it will,
but only after the warranty expires.

The new hardware you buy breaks down
the moment you sell the old one.

When working on a project,
if you put away a tool that
you’re certain you’re finished with,
you will need it instantly.

Whenever you cut your finger nails,
you find a need for them an hour later.

The person ahead of you in the queue,
will have the most complex transaction possible.

The more space you have,
the more junk you’ll have.

When you remember that
the trash needs taking out, 

the garbage truck is 2 doors down.

You catch but the end of your favorite song
whenever you turn the radio on.

No good deed goes unpunished.

Virtue is its own punishment.

Help those in need,
they will remember you,
when they need it again!

If you see someone approaching
to do you a favor, run!

There is nothing more dangerous than
good intentions combined with stupidity.

If it’s not in the computer, it doesn’t exist.

Computers let you waste time efficiently.

It’s not a bug,
it’s an undocumented feature.

Failure is not an option,
it’s included with the software.

Build a system that even a fool can use,
and only a fool will want to use it.

As soon as you make something idiot-proof,
along comes another idiot!

The only way to make something foolproof
is to keep it away from fools.

Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool.

It is impossible to make anything foolproof
because fools are so ingenious.

Disks are always full.
It is futile to try to get more disk space.
Data expands to fill any void.

Most computer errors
can be attributed to a similar problem:
a screw loose behind the keyboard.

The hard drive on your computer
will only crash when it contains vital information
that has not been backed up.

Moving objects move in the wrong direction
stationary objects stay in the wrong place.

The vehicle in front of you
will be traveling slower than you are.

The effect of bumps is on cars driving slowly.

Traffic is inversely proportional to
how late you are, or are going to be.

If you change lanes in traffic,
the one you were in will always
move faster than the one you are in now.

A non-smoker among smokers
will always be upwind.

The cigarette smoke always drifts
in the direction of the non-smoker
regardless of the direction of the breeze.

If in a particular circumstance
Murphy’s law don’t apply,
then something must be wrong.

If for some reason
Murphy’s Law fails to operate,
it is building up for something big.

Murphy works for Microsoft.
In fact, he is in charge of their QA.

Total intelligence on the planet is a constant
and the population is increasing!